Well, it's been 5 days since the negative beta. I am finally ok with the fact that it failed, but the meds and coming off them is hard as hell to do. I've been super emotional, like worse than pregnant. I cry over literally, nothing. It's almost as if I am depressed, like seriously depressed. My emotions right now are similar to those I felt when I was divorcing my first husband. It stinks.
I have Christmas to look forward to, there is nothing like watching Children open gifts you bought them, nothing. But, when I am getting back on my feet from a layoff for both my Husband and I, it's tough to be extremely happy about it. I know I am not going to be able to get them the type of stuff they would have gotten if I were pregnant right now. (sigh) Anyway....we are also moving to a big house with my Parents so I can take care of my Mom, which is out of this little mini ghetto and quiet. I am so looking forward to that.
Plus, Thomas got a really good job, with really good benefits after 90 days and paid Holidays as opposed to the job he got laid off from where it was under the table pay with no benefits or paid time off. Plus he will be making more money and getting 40+ hours a week. I have a lot to look forward to in my world, it's just tough getting through the "right now" and being in a holding pattern. But, if there is one thing I've learned, in surrogacy, there is ALWAYS a holding pattern.
I will be on my period today or tomorrow as AF has reared her head and showed her normal first signs of coming on. I am still waiting to hear if we are doing another transfer and all that stuff that's next. My period is starting soon, so it would be nice to know. Again with the holding pattern. My IP's are "devastated" as they put it in the e-mail and still upset. I understand they are upset, but normally I am the type of person who looks at the bright side of things and I told them to remember, there is still an embryo left to transfer...one more chance....
I guess we'll see. I'll update again when I know something.
I'm noticing how nice it is to blog...I actually kinda feel better getting that off my chest. I talk to my Husband as he is my best friend too, and I do feel better afterwards, but it just kinda recycles itself and comes back.
Who knows.
Later everyone.
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I welcome all questions, concerns and comments. Please understand this is a public blog and opinions are welcome, in good taste. Also please understand I am a very open person and this blog is informational only, but is based on real events as they happen.