Friday, December 10, 2010


I got a nice long letter from Paul and Nicole this morning explaining that they spoke with Dr. Akerman and he said everything was fine with me and fine with the embryo, sometimes these things just don't work.
He (Paul) also said they weren't sure if they were going to do the next cycle, that they were still contemplating it. I strongly feel that they are not going to. If I am wrong, I will certainly update.

On the plus side of things, my retched, horrible, painful period is O-V-E-R!! AND....
I talked with agency and they have other couples looking for surrogates, and she asked me if I minded working with gay couples, to which I responded no, because I actually was hoping for that!
So, if they decide no more, than I have another couple to move on to and it's all good.

I just am now back in "waiting" mode with this surrogacy to see if Paul and Nicole want to go forth. I have to wait since I am contracted with them. Ok...will update when I have some answers.


Sunday, December 5, 2010

Post Beta...

Well, it's been 5 days since the negative beta. I am finally ok with the fact that it failed, but the meds and coming off them is hard as hell to do. I've been super emotional, like worse than pregnant. I cry over literally, nothing. It's almost as if I am depressed, like seriously depressed. My emotions right now are similar to those I felt when I was divorcing my first husband. It stinks.
I have Christmas to look forward to, there is nothing like watching Children open gifts you bought them, nothing. But, when I am getting back on my feet from a layoff for both my Husband and I, it's tough to be extremely happy about it. I know I am not going to be able to get them the type of stuff they would have gotten if I were pregnant right now. (sigh) Anyway....we are also moving to a big house with my Parents so I can take care of my Mom, which is out of this little mini ghetto and quiet. I am so looking forward to that.
Plus, Thomas got a really good job, with really good benefits after 90 days and paid Holidays as opposed to the job he got laid off from where it was under the table pay with no benefits or paid time off. Plus he will be making more money and getting 40+ hours a week. I have a lot to look forward to in my world, it's just tough getting through the "right now" and being in a holding pattern. But, if there is one thing I've learned, in surrogacy, there is ALWAYS a holding pattern.

I will be on my period today or tomorrow as AF has reared her head and showed her normal first signs of coming on. I am still waiting to hear if we are doing another transfer and all that stuff that's next. My period is starting soon, so it would be nice to know. Again with the holding pattern. My IP's are "devastated" as they put it in the e-mail and still upset. I understand they are upset, but normally I am the type of person who looks at the bright side of things and I told them to remember, there is still an embryo left to more chance....

I guess we'll see. I'll update again when I know something.

I'm noticing how nice it is to blog...I actually kinda feel better getting that off my chest. I talk to my Husband as he is my best friend too, and I do feel better afterwards, but it just kinda recycles itself and comes back.

Who knows.

Later everyone.